I have a bad habit.

I have noticed a pattern. A very big pattern with it's faults. It seems that I cannot maintain a blog.

And the reason as to why I can't has made itself known... finally.

I hate listing my interests and putting little thingies in profiles and trying to make the journal look awesome and inviting, like a lot of people do. It's just not me. And when I do these things, after a while I just stop participating because I feel like I'm selling myself... sorta... kinda... in a way.

I hate friending people who I don't even know, because, while I wouldn't mind being a friend, I don't feel like I am a friend. Putting things in your profile and listing your interests and finding someone of the same persuasions isn't what makes a friendship. Sure, it helps it, but it's not what makes it. This is why I have these abondon-the-blog issues.

I want to be a good friend, I really do, but I can't be unless I feel a click, you know? I don't want to list a person as a friend unless I know I can be that persons friend, and when I prematurely list that person as a friend, I find that I feel pressured into doing that which I don't like to do. It's not the persons fault, it's mine, and I'm really sorry for doing this to everyone. I really didn't even know about it.

In a nutshell, what I'm trying to say is, I wanna date you guys. :D That way I'll know if I can be a good friend to you, and if I can't be, then we'll be on friendly terms, you know. I'm sure that I could be a good friend to you all, but it just takes time. I know that's what the whole "friending" is for, so you can get to know someone better. But if you have a personal journal that you keep under lock and friend this person, then they're seeing the very personal side of me that I'm just not ready for them to see. I do believe that's why I have difficulty writing about my personal life.

I'm really sorry for doing this to you all. I've not been a very good person at all to you, much less a good friend.

So, as stupid and corny as this sounds, yes I have a new journal. *insert eyeroll* . However, this new journal has a community to which I may post my artistic endeavors on. I know that one of these days I'll get all my fanfic done. When I do, you'll guys know because then I'll start posting it again on FF.net :D

If you guys wanna know the journal, then great, if not, then it's understandable. Completely. Because I'm pretty sure that I've just p*ssed some of you off, if you're not already.

Please keep in mind that this, in no way, is reflecting badly on you. I think you guys are great, I really do, but I just don't feel that connection to where I could be a good friend to you all and I don't want to string you guys all up in my bad habit. Maybe we'll be good friends, I don't know. It would be great, even, but I just don't think having 'Lbyrinth' and 'David Bowie' in common (and a few other things) is enough to form a good friendship between us.

You know what I mean?

I don't wanna know just what you like and dislike, I wanna know you as you. That, I think, is what makes a good friend. Knowing someone as them and liking them for who they are instead of just their likes and what you and them have in common.

I'm rambaling.

This is so difficult to put into words while still being viewed as polite... though I think I'm beyond redemption on the polite business.

I'm sorry for promising things and not delivering, I truly am, and (incase we should part ways) in a few weeks this journal should be deleted, so you won't have to worry about me popping up again in your lives if you don't want me to.